Whether you already have an anxiety disorder or not, living in a pandemic is scary. For many, it takes an emotional and physical toll when even thinking about COVID-19, but you are not alone. The first step to persevering through any situation is identifying the emotions you are experiencing. Author Simran Sethi stated in The New York Times that there are ten ways to ease your coronavirus anxiety according to Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist and author:

1. Know the facts of the situation - that “The Covid-19 pandemic has infected more than 500,000 people globally, rattling financial markets, upending local economies and resulting in thousands of deaths worldwide, with numbers expected to climb” (Sethi). However, it is also dire to manage the number of times you check the media in order to keep your stress level under wraps. If you are going to check the news, make sure it is from a reliable source such as the CDC, the World Health Organization, and your local public health authorities. Yes, this is happening in our own backyard, but we need to stay focused on what is most important, which is staying safe not just for yourself but for others.  

2. Put the pandemic in perspective - It is normal to feel overwhelmed but it is important that we do not bring ourselves down or compare ourselves to others because we feel this way. We need to realize that this pandemic is happening whether we like it or not and for who knows how long. The best way we can control it on our part is by not having any social interactions even though it is in our human nature and our own behaviors and emotions, focus on the things you can control. The Help Guide by Smith and Robinson, suggests that you can do the following tasks to help:

• Wash your hands frequently (for at least 20 seconds) with soap and water or a hand sanitizer that contains at least 60% alcohol.

• Avoid touching your face (particularly your eyes, nose, and mouth).

• Stay home as much as possible, even if you don’t feel sick.

• Avoid crowds and gatherings of 10 or more people.

• Avoid all non-essential shopping and travel.

• Keep 6 feet of distance between yourself and others when out.

• Get plenty of sleep, which helps support your immune system.

• Follow all recommendations from health authorities.

3. Identify the source(s) of your anxiety - If you can first label your emotions, then you know and understand that they are real and need to be taken care of. Plan for what you can by:

• Writing down specific concerns you have about the coronavirus and how it may affect your lifestyle. If you feel overwhelmed, it is okay to take a break.

• Making a list of all the possible solutions you can think of. There is no such thing as a perfect solution so just start writing down the first idea that comes to mind.

• Focus on concrete things you can change, rather than specific circumstances beyond your control.

• Create a plan of action once you have brainstormed all your options. When you’re done, sleep on it overnight and then change anything if you need to, but otherwise, try to refrain from coming back to it until your circumstances significantly change.

4. Refrain from shaming or blaming - When in survival mode, it is easy to blame others and forget that we are all in this together. We don’t want to fully suppress our emotions, but we can learn more about anxiety, how it works, the triggers, and the steps we can take to decrease and manage anxiety. Anxiety provides us with more information about our lives and can help motivate us to take steps to decrease or solve problems, as well as encourage us to reach out to support systems and connect with others.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help - When filled with fear, our judgment tends to get blurred and we are afraid to show that we need help. However, this could be the best time to ask what to do because none of us are knowledgeable enough to do this all alone without the right help. This could mean speaking to your kids’ teachers, reading the latest research from the CDC, and reaching out to your therapist.

You can help others in the process as well which will ultimately help you feel better. Even as simple as dropping off groceries or picking up medications for those you can’t  leave the house (the elderly or disabled), following guidelines for preventing the spread of the virus, or donating to food banks.

6. Don’t procrastinate about preparing for the worst - Anxiety, as Dr. Lerner states, can trigger individuals to over- or under-react, meaning some may start to compulsively wash their hands more than necessary and others may not take precautions with germs at all. Also, going to the store to obtain food and supplies that you would need for a couple weeks is preparing, however stocking up on a year’s worth of toilet paper may be too extreme.

7. Connect, connect, connect - Social distancing can be very difficult to maintain for some people, which is why it is important to stay in communication with the outside world and family/friends. Studies illustrate that teens have the hardest time social distancing and finding other ways to find happiness. Isolation can exacerbate stress for some people so it is important to stay connected even when physically isolated. The Help Guide recommends: 

• Making it a priority to reach out to friends and families even if it means scheduling a regular phone call. 

• Make face-to-face contact possible by face timing or using skype regularly

• Utilize social media to connect with friends, family, and acquaintances but also the outside world. You are a part of a pandemic just as much as anyone else and it this is a convenient reminder that you are not alone. 

• Stay mindful of how social media is making you feel. There are going to be times when having too much access to our screens can overwhelm us, so don’t hesitate to take a step back and turn off your device or remove things or people that are causing you anxiety.

• Don’t let the coronavirus be the topic of every conversation, instead, take this time to catch up with others and focus on other aspects of your life. For some people, be aware that talking about the coronavirus can bring up even more fear when it’s not even your intention in the first place.

8. Practice self-compassion - Be gentle on yourself during these difficult times. This is the best time to practice eating healthy meals, getting plenty of sleep, exercising and meditating. Anxiety and fear also have physiological processes and may go in phases so sleeping, eating, exercising and meditating can be helpful in managing these to curb the extreme phases. Dr. Lerner reminds us that “Fear isn’t fun, but it signals that we are fully human.”

9. Don’t skip the self-care - This could be as simple as getting up and washing your face in the morning to feeding yourself throughout the day, try to maintain your regular routines. Any type of activity could help as well: exercise, yoga, meditation, reading, or religious and spiritual practices. All activities help you release your anxiety, relieve stress, and manage your food

• Be kind to yourself especially if you are experiencing more depression or anxiety than usual, you are not alone.

• Maintain a routine as best as you can to make it all feel a little less out of the ordinary 

• Take time out of your day for activities you enjoy such as reading a book, playing a board game, learning a new language, working on a craft project etc.

• Get out in nature, if possible. Just a simple walk around the block may make your day feel better.

• Find ways to exercise.

• Avoid self-medicating. This not a good way to avoid depression and anxiety.

• Take up a relaxation practice such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga.

• Connect with friends and family via face time or skype

10. Don’t let fear and anxiety become pandemics, too - In other words, don’t let fear and anxiety take over your life, take over them and keep your anxiety at a manageable rate. Dr. Lerner reports, “we should not let fear lead us into isolation or stop us from acting with clarity, compassion and courage. Terrible things happen, but it is still possible to move forward with love and hope.”

We are all living in a scary time, one that many of us have never experienced before. For more information on how to lower your stress levels, manage your anxiety and Telehealth services, please visit our website at Hilber Psychological Services.

- Written by Lily Schmitt and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

References:

Sethi, Simran. “10 Ways to Ease Your Coronavirus Anxiety.” The New York Times. 27, March. 2020. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/18/smarter-living/coronavirus-anxiety-tips.html

Smith, Melinda. Robinson, Lawrence. “Coronavirus Anxiety: Coping with Stress, Fear, and Uncertainty.” Help Guide. March. 2020. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/coronavirus-anxiety.htm

In the article “Why Girls Beat Boys at Schools and Lose to them at the Office,” author Lisa Damour describes that even though girls do better academically, they are still not getting the recognition they deserve for working so hard. Boys and girls may receive the same grades, but it is seen that girls put more effort into their work than boys because they are afraid of making a mistake. 

For example, Damour stated that between an eighth-grade girl and a ninth-grade boy in her practice who were siblings, the girl said that she was overwhelmed by school and made sure that her grades were unmistakeable by spending an hour on each assignment (Damour). She noted that she felt “safe” only if she did this routinely. On the contrary, her brother would do the same assignments and fly through them and still get the same grade as her. 

As a result, journalists Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, who wrote The Confidence Gap, “found that a shortage of competence is less likely to be an obstacle than a shortage of confidence.” In detail, it is found that girls are more self-disciplined regarding their school work than boys are. Girls may study harder and get better grades, but men still have “95 percent of the top positions in the largest public companies” (Damour).

As men experience that they can get away with exerting minimal effort in school, they develop a type of confidence that gets them to the top. On the other hand, girls may focus so much on studying for the “perfect” academic grades that they may discredit their own abilities and/or miss opportunities for building their confidence.

As girls grow up, remind them that they are intelligent and can work hard but at the same time balance out their lives with fun and rewards for doing so well and applying so much effort. We want them to build more confidence with their work, without developing more anxiety. Women may put so much pressure on themselves to do well and stress that everything needs to be perfect. The main question Damour asks is “how do we get hyper-conscientious girls (and boys, as there certainly are some with the same style) to build both confidence and competence at school?”

For more information on girls, confidence, and anxiety, please contact us. To learn how we can help you or your child who may be struggling with their confidence at school or at the office, contact us or visit our website. For more information on therapy, visit Hilber Psychological Services.

- Written by Lily Schmitt and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

References

Damour, Lisa. (2019, Feb 7). Why Girls Beat Boys at School and Lose to Them at the Office. The New York Times. Opinion. Web. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/07/opinion/sunday/girls-school-confidence.html.

Kay, Katty & Shipman, Claire. (2014, May). The Confidence Gap. Retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/.

In the article, “Lazy Days of Summer? For ADHD Moms, That’s Not a Thing,” author Tricia Arthur describes how her never-ending, changing weeks can take a toll on her mental health. She notes that ”changes in a routine are very difficult for a person with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD)” to juggle. Especially during the summer, one’s stress levels and self-doubt can increase because it is so hard to keep track of everything going on in not only your life but the rest of the family’s and still believe it is possible. 

Arthur’s life coach said, “that neurotypical people are a tad quicker and more intuitive than ADHD-brained people in making adjustments when changing circumstances require it.” Knowing this, it is understandable why you, who struggles with ADHD, has a harder time comprehending changing plans all the time. During this time, it is important to relax and give yourself a break and realize that everything will work out; you just have to take it step by step, day by day. 

Summer is the hardest season for most parents to get used to. From a routine every day to different plans each week, and even every day, is a lot to think about. It takes a lot of time to pan every little detail out, which can be exhausting. Although it may seem like you have the appropriate med regiment to reduce ADHD symptoms and the right amount of help and brain rest and self-care to keep a clear, open mind, it may also seem like you can snap at any moment because all these things are on your mind (Arthur). Each day something probably increases your stress level which makes you more anxious, however, it does not have to always be like that. Touching base with your therapist can also assist with these big changes to help it become a little smoother. As long as you acknowledge your stresses and take a step back to see how you can counterbalance them, whether that is by delegating or taking breaks in between, it is okay to be stressed.

Unfortunately, even if you are doing everything right, or just simply getting through the day, you will have to do it all over again. Arthur suggests writing a motivational note to yourself that reminds you that you are doing great and that stress is okay that says something like this:

“Dear Tricia, You have ADHD, and it’s for real. Know that everything it takes to run your family and your life is way more difficult for you than it is for others. This means you gotta take care of yourself more than others have to take care of themselves. This also means you gotta give yourself a crap ton of grace. You really are rocking it and you really are intelligent and when you don’t feel you are either, be patient. Also, layer on the self-care, consult with your ADHD-specialized psychiatrist, and did I say be patient? Breathe and be patient. Now is not forever. Healing, a better grip, and inner calm always return in time. Hang on. Remember: You rock! Love, Tricia”

For more information on ADHD and its symptoms, please contact us. To learn how we can help you or your child who may be struggling with being successful with ADHD, contact us or visit our website. For more information on therapy, visit Hilber Psychological Services.

To learn how Neurofeedback can help with ADHD symptoms, visit San Diego Center for Neurofeedback, APPC or contact SDCNF for for more information.

- Written by Lily Schmitt and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

References:

Arthur, Tricia. “Lazy Days of Summer? For ADHD Moms, That’s Not a Thing.” Attitude. Web. 7,  Aug. 2019. https://www.additudemag.com/i-hate-summer-adhd-mom

In the article, “How to Help Teenage Girls Reframe Anxiety and Strengthen Resilience,” author Deborah Farmer Kris recounts how rates of anxiety-related disorders in teenage girls have risen. Furthermore, not only can girls get anxious and stressed out easily, but so can any other teenager or adult. This could be because of the environment they are in, denial of their stress and anxiety, lack of sleep, no validation of their emotions, etc. Damour, a psychologist and author of the new book "Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls," states “some degree of stress and anxiety is not only normal but essential for human growth.”

Through decades of research and working with adolescent girls and their families, Damour observed that “the anxiety that teenagers express is a sign that they are aware of their surroundings, mindful of their growing responsibilities, and frightened of things that are, in fact, scary.” She notes that adults can make a difference by reassuring their child and have an honest conversation with them about their emotions and what is going on in their life that may make them stressed.

Keep in mind that teenagers brains and bodies are still developing and that change can spur stress. Not only physical or emotional change but also the act of continually switching schools, academic workload is increasing, or social relationships are constantly evolving. With this information, parents should continue to support their child but also let them figure it out on their own. “Teenage girls are particularly sensitive to the cues they receive from parents and teachers –  from words to facial expressions. How adults respond to teens’ emotional reactions matters a lot,” said Damour. The growth that they experience on their own will allow them to develop as a person who can withstand these types of stresses in the future and know how to handle them.

It is best not to avoid the anxiety as a whole, but to call it out and realize that one needs help. In this case, parents should stick to the two words that Damour has found helpful: “stinks” and “handle:”

“‘That really stinks’ is a very simple phrase that cuts right through it. It says, ‘I hear you and I’m just going to sit here for a moment and acknowledge that what you are up against isn’t that great.”

Validation and empathy go a long way when it comes to the exact thing that a child wants to hear, that they are being heard and that someone understands what they are going through. If teens realize that some level of stress is inevitable then they can accept it and move on to focus on how they can build in recovery time whether that is by having some downtime or getting more sleep.

Sleep deprivation is one of the simplest explanations for the rise in anxiety-related concerns, Damour said. If your child is getting less than seven or eight hours of sleep then a change needs to be made. Most of the time, teenagers may not be getting enough sleep because they are on their electronics. With the change of turning off social media for the night by putting their device on do not disturb or putting their phone in another room can make all the difference.

Stress and anxiety is part of life. It is not a parents job to get rid of it completely but to help their child get through it by sitting down with them and discussing their feelings. Stress and anxiety do not go away overnight, but with some extra sleep, reflection time, and downtime, teenagers can develop a sense of self on their own and figure it out with some guidance from a parent if needed.

For more information on stress, anxiety, sleep deprivation or how Hilber Psychological Services can help, please contact us and check out Lisa Damour’s book "Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls.”

-Written by Lily Schmitt and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

References

Kris, Deborah Farmer. “How to Help Teenage Girls Reframe Anxiety and Strengthen Resilience.” Mindshift. Web. 12 Feb. 2019. https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/52994/how-to-help-teenage-girls-reframe-anxiety-and-strengthen-resilience

Damour, Lisa. Under Pressure Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399180052?pf_rd_p=f3acc539-5d5f-49a3-89ea-768a917d5900&pf_rd_r=R1KSEQT2AT89FSXWG6K1