Do you notice the irritating behaviors or the bad choices more than the good ones? Do you wish you could help your child or partner make better choices? A little effort can go a long way show you care and support others. This acknowledgement can help your loved ones feel better. When individuals feel better, they are more likely to make better choices and have better behaviors. Here's an activity you can do to help your loved one feel better.

Catching the Good Behaviors

Ideally, you want the reward to happen pretty quickly and within a few days when you first introduce this. This means that when you introduce it, make sure the items fill up the container quickly. After receiving the reward the first time, you can modify either the container or items to make the reward less frequent.

This activity is a Win-Win-Win. You win by seeing more of the good choices and behaviors, they win by feeling acknowledged and supported when they do good things, and your relationship wins by growing more positive in feelings, reactions, and support.

This can also be part of your reward system in parenting whenever you add more consequences or chores to balance the feedback you're giving them. You can also do this activity in a modified way for adults or your partner. Instead of an actual container, you can thank your partner or tell them you noticed when you see the good things. Again, it's a win-win-win and many people find that they seem happier when they focus on the positive behaviors.

To learn more cognitive-behavioral or parenting strategies, contact us at Hilber Psychological Services.

Balance in your life is not just about finding time to exercise (although that's important), it's also about finding time for your relationship. These days we find it difficult to do anything besides work, eat, and sleep with our extended work hours, helping the kids with their homework & getting ready for bed. As a psychologist, I believe we all strive for connection with others and our relationship is pretty important to us.. maybe the most important. For many couples, the relationship is stable and consistent, so maintaining or working on the relationship may not be a priority and may fall by the wayside. We all need to work on our relationships - some do so in couples therapy, some work on it during their vacations, and some do very small things each day to maintain a close connection.

These are a few small ideas you can do to work on your relationship without adding yet another obligatory activity that takes away your time:

• Say thanks for the small things - for taking out the trash or doing the dishes, tasks they do every day
• Smile & laugh at their joke - even if they've said it 20 times already
• Touch their arm as you pass by with toys in tow
• Find the "yes" part - if dinner wasn't good, say what you do like about it ("the rice was cooked perfectly")
• Remember self-care - go to the gym, find personal time in your week, reduce your stress
• Take a break if you feel annoyed or irritable - postpone the discussion for the next day
• Do something nice for yourself - making yourself happy can add to the happiness in the relationship

For questions about your relationship or to learn more things you can do, contact us at Hilber Psychological Services.