One of the best ways to continue living a balanced lifestyle is to reduce stress levels, especially during the holidays. Stress does not only ruin your holidays, but it's also bad for your health. Between shopping, baking, cleaning, and entertaining, we sometimes forget that the holidays are supposed to be a fun, relaxing time spent with family and friends. When stress reaches it's top peak, it can be hard to gather and regroup. Here are some practical tips to help you get through the holidays, stress free: 

1. Acknowledge your feelings- Just because it is holiday season, that does not mean you have to be jolly all the time. If you have lost a family member or are unable to be with loved ones this holiday, it is okay to feel sad and cry. Acknowledging how you are feeling and accepting it can make the hard times a little more bearable.

2. Reach out- If you are feeling lonely, reach out to your community. Volunteering is a great way to pass time while feeling better about yourself and broadening friendships amongst your community. 

3. Be realistic- As years go on and people grow older, it is hard to make holidays perfect and the same as last year. Although traditions are important, there is always room for change. If family members are unable to make it this year, reach out and celebrate in other was to continue the holiday festivities.  

4. Set aside differences-  Try to make the most out of the time you have to spend with people. Accept family and friends for who they are and pick a different time to talk about your problems. Remember that other people are suffering from holiday stress as well. 

5. Stick to a budget- Holidays are not about who spent the most money. Before you begin shopping,  decide on a realistic budget and stick to it. Use techniques such as homemade gifts or family gift exchanges to keep the cost low. 

6. Plan ahead- Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, and visiting friends. Plan out events first then make lists of what you need to avoid last minute scrambling. Reach out to friends and plan ahead for party prep and clean up. Through all the madness, don't forget to save time for yourself. 

7. Learn to say no- Saying yes to every event will only lead to more stress. Friends and family members will understand if you can't participate in everything. If you start to feel overwhelmed, prioritize and take something off of your list.  

8. Don't abandon healthy habits- Eating healthy, exercising, and appropriate amounts of sleeping are all still important even during the holidays. It's easy to get caught up in the sweets every now and then,  but don't forget to take care of yourself.   

9. Take a breather- Spending just 15 minutes alone without any distractions can make all the difference. Go for a walk, listen to music, or read a book are some healthy ways to distract yourself and help with self care.  

10. Seek professional help as needed-  Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. 

Effects of too much stress or chronic stress can exacerbate current problems or create more problems in life. The healthier your family is, the less difficult holidays are and the more enjoyable the holidays are. The more dysfunctional your family, the more important it is to have a survival plan. Use these tips to not only get through the holidays, but to get through everyday. 

If you have questions about stress and how it can affect you or your family's health or would like to schedule an appointment, please contact us. For more information on therapy, visit FAQ at Hilber Psychological Services. 

Written by Allison Parker and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: Mayo Clinic Staff. “Tips for Coping with Holiday Stress.” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 16 Sept. 2017.

Against popular belief, people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) don't always have problems with attention. It is easier to concentrate on something that excites them, therefore, when they find someone they like, they have the ability to hyperfocus for hours. Although it is 10 times harder for people with ADHD to learn basic learning and organizational skills, they are known to be better businessmen because they are required to learn the skills that other people adapt to naturally. In other words, they are built to tackle business challenges. Due to the difficulty of concentrating, people with ADHD often have the best advice of how to successfully get stuff done. 

Below are 21 productivity tips from people with ADHD that can help people, even without ADHD, get stuff done. 

1. Getting into the habit of a routine can allow for less brainpower on little things, which can lead to an easier start to the day. 
2. Always have a back up. Bring extras of everything important so that no matter when or where you need a phone charger or more meds, you know where to find it. 
3. Reminders and alerts keep your day on track and don't require memory because the device remembers for you. 
4. Learn how long it takes you to complete certain tasks, and factor that into your daily calendar. 
5. Figure what schedule works best for you and use it to your advantage. Complete active tasks when you have the most energy and calming tasks when you feel most relaxed. Learn your ups and downs. 
6. Finding a rhythm, such as counting or beats, can help complete a task. 
7. Making different to-do lists and breaking them down for different tasks can help prioritize what needs to be completed first. 
8. Being able to measure your progress in a hands on way can help give you drive to continue completing tasks.
9. Reward yourself for your accomplishments, no matter how big or small. This can keep your dopamine level and productivity at an all time high.
10. Turn boring daily tasks, such as daily steps, into a game to make it more interesting. 
11. When completing a boring task, think about the satisfaction of completing the task rather than the time it will take. 
12. Complete tasks right away before you let them pile up. The longer you wait, the harder it is to complete. 
13. Visual cues are instant reminders. Use sticky notes or other reminders to keep you alert and on time. 
14. Don't fight your instincts. If you often misplace something in the same spot, make that spot their new home. There is a reason you subconsciously continue to put them there. 
15. Everyone's brain is different. Take the time to make your own to-do lists so you are not frustrated by someone else telling you how to complete a task. 
16. Movement helps your brain work better. Taking a break every now and then can give you a new perspective. 
17. Give yourself time to complete a task. Know when to call it quits for the day and start fresh tomorrow. This will save you more time in the long run. 
18. Identify your flaws and strengths and use them to your advantage. By communicating them with others, your colleagues will be able to benefit from you greatly. 
19. It is important to remember, everyone is fighting their own battles. Don't forget to forgive yourself and others when things don't go as planned. 
20. Set a goal, but remember it's okay if you didn't finish it. There's always tomorrow. 
21. "Try again. Fall again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett. Failure will happen, but it's how we learn from it that keeps us going. 

It is important to remember that success is never handed to you. It is something we all must work towards, even if it is harder to achieve for some people. Embrace your strengths and weaknesses and keep trying until you find what works for you. 

If you have questions about ADHD and how it can affect you or your child or would like to schedule an appointment, please contact us. For more information on therapy, visit FAQ at Hilber Psychological Services. 

Written by Allison Parker and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: Dunn, T. (2016). What 8 Successful ADHDers Want You to Know about How They Get Stuff Done. Upworthy. 

Inclusion, along with diversity, inhibits bullying at the core. Inclusion is also a key to raising a compassionate, confident kids. There are only three steps to becoming an includer and fostering a family who includes others. 

• start with yourself
• have compassion for yourself
• model inclusion in early childhood

To begin, inclusion starts with yourself. It is important for friends and family members to be conscious of their interactions with each other. Before reacting, take a moment to think about how you're feeling. Allow yourself to acknowledge and consider all your positive and negative feelings, rather than considering the other person's feelings first. Then choose how you want to respond. After this is done, ask your partner or friend to understand how you feel. By understanding and allowing your feelings, you will have a more compassionate response, thereby including your partner's or friend's opinions.

Children need modeling, such as hugs and "I love you's",  in order to understand compassion. This is especially important to start in early childhood due to their increase in development. By listening to your child and allowing them to have their feelings, instead of problem solving for them, they are able to gain a sense of compassion. Including your child in the process allows them to become more emotionally intelligent. Showing your child how to be compassionate and letting them grow as a person helps them to become an includer too. This can even lead to a reduction in bullying, but it all starts with you. 

Contact us for more information on inclusion, compassion, bullying, or for help with children who are struggling. 

-Written by Allison Parker and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: Compton, J. (2017). Want compassionate confident kids? Do this. NBC News Better.

Last week, I discussed the final love language of children, acts of service, based on the book “The Five Love Languages of Children” by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. In case you missed it, please follow the links below to read previous posts about the various love languages of children:

1. Physical Touch (Part 1 and Part 2)
2. Words of Affirmation (Part 1 and Part 2)
3. Quality Time (Part 1 and Part 2)
4. Gifts
5. Acts of Service (Part 1)

Today, I will continue to discuss the final love language of children, acts of service, to provide some tips, tricks, and tidbits on how to incorporate acts of service into a parent-child relationship.

It is easy for parents to have hopes, wishes, and dreams for their children. A part of incorporating acts of service into a parent-child relationship is a parent’s acknowledgement that the child is not an extension of the parent, but rather an individual. This means that it is important for parents to allow their children to develop their own skills, abilities, and goals without the parents pushing their own unfulfilled wishes or desires upon their children. A parent’s goal is to help guide a child and give the child room to explore their own autonomy. This does not include giving a child a detailed map stating what the rest of the child’s life will look like.

For children whose primary love language is acts of service, requesting help from a parent is more about creating a connection then receiving the help. Because it is about connection for the child, a parent’s response may negatively impact the parent-child relationship.

For example, an adolescent approaches his mother while she is reading and asks, “Mom, will you cook me breakfast?” Without looking up, his mother snaps to him, “No you know how to cook it yourself.” In this instance, the son was not just asking for food, but to engage with his mother. This response may leave the son feeling defeated and upset. Parents do not need to jump at every request but should remain sensitive a child’s requests and recognize that it is motivated by a child’s need for connection.

Instead of snapping at her child in the above example, an alternative response may have looked more like this: “I’m sorry, I cannot cook right now. Would it be okay if you made something yourself and then we can do something together later?” In this way, the mother is still denying the request, however, she is also addressing her son’s need to connect.

As a parent, when providing acts of service for a child, it is important to help a child regardless of the child’s behavior. For example, some parents may feel that they can only help a child when the child behaves well and may choose not to help a child if a child is behaving poorly. This will ultimately teach a child that love is conditional and must be earned. This is not a message a parent should teach a child - love is unconditional, and therefore, a parent’s role is to support and help a child as needed, whether the child has had a good day or a bad day.

Below is a list of tips, tricks, and tidbits to help parents connect with a child whose love language is acts of service:

• Children will notice a parent who does things for others out of love, not obligation, and will model this behavior
• For younger children, have them help with chores or cooking. This will not only show the child skills for future independence, but will also allow parent and child to connect with one another
• As children get older, engage in the community together such as through volunteering and/or walking for awareness or a cause
• Respond to a child’s request - not react. If a parent refuses a child, pushes the child away, or responds to a child in a harsh or critical tone, it may impact the child’s emotional tank

And remember, a parent does not need to say “yes” to a child’s every request. However, a parent should try to remain sensitive to a child’s request, recognize it as a bid for connection, and respond in a gentle manner.

If you enjoyed reading about the five love languages of children and would like to learn how to incorporate these languages into your own relationship with your child, therapy can be a safe space to explore these connections. From individual therapy, to family therapy, to couples therapy, there are lots of ways to create connection and explore specific and unique patterns within a family. For more information on therapy, visit FAQ at Hilber Psychological Services. If you would like to schedule an appointment, please contact us.