Catcalling and other forms of harassment happen everyday. Many grown women know the feeling of walking down the street and being whistled or yelled at, or heard small inappropriate statements about their bodies. According to the article "One in Ten Girls is Catcalled Before Her 11th Birthday. Here Are 6 Things Parents Can Do About It", one in ten American girls had been catcalled before her 11th birthday. In 2017, a report showed that more than one in six girls in elementary and secondary school have dealt with gender-based harassment.

First of all, this type of harassment at such a young age can affect the way girls feel about themselves, leading them into a downhill spiral of being concerned about how they look and even judging other girls based on their looks. Other studies have proven that females who have been objectified by members of the opposite sex perform worse on math tests. Finally, the more women are talked about in appropriate ways, the blurrier the boundary line gets. Males tend to forget that their little comments can go a long way. Although it is not all boys and men who participate in catcalling and harassment, it is happening and could be happening to your daughter.

Here are six ways to help protect your daughter and fight back against this inappropriate behavior:

1. Point out pop-culture sexism 

Since catcalling is everywhere, especially in pop-culture, an easy way to bring awareness to your daughter is to talk about it when it is brought up. Whether it is on the television, on the radio, or even in person, talk to your daughter about why it is inappropriate and how serious it can be. Ask her questions about how she would feel if those comments were directed toward her or if it has ever happened to her. 

2. Get talking

Although this topic seems a little mature for elementary school, it is never too early to start talking about it. When young girls are harassed, only about 2 percent of them talk to their parents about it. Start around third or fourth grade to make your daughter comfortable and know she can talk to you if the situation occurs in the future. 

3. Let her know, its never ever her fault

It is important to emphasize that it is never her fault. She didn't "ask for it" because of her outfit choice and she wasn't "doing anything to deserve it" by walking around with a group of friends. Girls and women deserve to feel as comfortable and free as boys and men do. This type of attention is often unwanted, so make sure she knows to not feel ashamed if it does happen and that she can talk to you or any adult about it. 

4. Arm her with what to say or do

Reacting to a harasser can be confusing, especially when it seems they are "complimenting" you. Make it known that their behavior is the opposite of polite and it is not necessary to engage in conversation back to them. Sometimes it is better to ignore them and continue walking, while in other situations an assertive comment like "Please stop, that's not okay" may be appropriate. Remind her that if she feels uncomfortable in any situation, it is best to remove herself from the situation and talk to you or an adult she trusts. If this inappropriate behavior is coming from one of her classmates or other individuals she would feel comfortable talking to, encourage her to tell him he is acting inappropriately and he needs to stop. 

5.Talk to boys and young men in your life

If you have a son or other young men in your life, speak to them as well. Making them aware of the inappropriate behaviors at a young age can help prevent it from ever happening. Use pop-culture to show them what is inappropriate and explain to them how it can make others feel. Ask them why they think other men do this and give them ways to help stop it, such as standing up for girls or refusing to laugh at inappropriate jokes. Be sure that they know the phrase, "boys will be boys," is not an excuse to be inappropriate.

6. Take action

There are more ways to get involved than just talking to your daughter or son. Reach out to your community and plan meetings or assemblies to spread the word about catcalling and gender-based harassment. The more knowledgable people are, the less likely it will happen. 

Although catcalling and harassment won't end tomorrow, bringing awareness to the problem is a start. If you have questions about harassment and how it affects you or your child or would like to schedule an appointment, please contact us. For more information on therapy, visit FAQ at Hilber Psychological Services. 

~Written by Allison Parker and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: “One in Ten Girls Is Catcalled Before Her 11th Birthday. Here Are 6 Things Parents Can Do About It.” Girl Scouts of the USA, Girl Scouts of the USA, 2017. 

Against popular belief, people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) don't always have problems with attention. It is easier to concentrate on something that excites them, therefore, when they find someone they like, they have the ability to hyperfocus for hours. Although it is 10 times harder for people with ADHD to learn basic learning and organizational skills, they are known to be better businessmen because they are required to learn the skills that other people adapt to naturally. In other words, they are built to tackle business challenges. Due to the difficulty of concentrating, people with ADHD often have the best advice of how to successfully get stuff done. 

Below are 21 productivity tips from people with ADHD that can help people, even without ADHD, get stuff done. 

1. Getting into the habit of a routine can allow for less brainpower on little things, which can lead to an easier start to the day. 
2. Always have a back up. Bring extras of everything important so that no matter when or where you need a phone charger or more meds, you know where to find it. 
3. Reminders and alerts keep your day on track and don't require memory because the device remembers for you. 
4. Learn how long it takes you to complete certain tasks, and factor that into your daily calendar. 
5. Figure what schedule works best for you and use it to your advantage. Complete active tasks when you have the most energy and calming tasks when you feel most relaxed. Learn your ups and downs. 
6. Finding a rhythm, such as counting or beats, can help complete a task. 
7. Making different to-do lists and breaking them down for different tasks can help prioritize what needs to be completed first. 
8. Being able to measure your progress in a hands on way can help give you drive to continue completing tasks.
9. Reward yourself for your accomplishments, no matter how big or small. This can keep your dopamine level and productivity at an all time high.
10. Turn boring daily tasks, such as daily steps, into a game to make it more interesting. 
11. When completing a boring task, think about the satisfaction of completing the task rather than the time it will take. 
12. Complete tasks right away before you let them pile up. The longer you wait, the harder it is to complete. 
13. Visual cues are instant reminders. Use sticky notes or other reminders to keep you alert and on time. 
14. Don't fight your instincts. If you often misplace something in the same spot, make that spot their new home. There is a reason you subconsciously continue to put them there. 
15. Everyone's brain is different. Take the time to make your own to-do lists so you are not frustrated by someone else telling you how to complete a task. 
16. Movement helps your brain work better. Taking a break every now and then can give you a new perspective. 
17. Give yourself time to complete a task. Know when to call it quits for the day and start fresh tomorrow. This will save you more time in the long run. 
18. Identify your flaws and strengths and use them to your advantage. By communicating them with others, your colleagues will be able to benefit from you greatly. 
19. It is important to remember, everyone is fighting their own battles. Don't forget to forgive yourself and others when things don't go as planned. 
20. Set a goal, but remember it's okay if you didn't finish it. There's always tomorrow. 
21. "Try again. Fall again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett. Failure will happen, but it's how we learn from it that keeps us going. 

It is important to remember that success is never handed to you. It is something we all must work towards, even if it is harder to achieve for some people. Embrace your strengths and weaknesses and keep trying until you find what works for you. 

If you have questions about ADHD and how it can affect you or your child or would like to schedule an appointment, please contact us. For more information on therapy, visit FAQ at Hilber Psychological Services. 

Written by Allison Parker and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: Dunn, T. (2016). What 8 Successful ADHDers Want You to Know about How They Get Stuff Done. Upworthy. 

Inclusion, along with diversity, inhibits bullying at the core. Inclusion is also a key to raising a compassionate, confident kids. There are only three steps to becoming an includer and fostering a family who includes others. 

• start with yourself
• have compassion for yourself
• model inclusion in early childhood

To begin, inclusion starts with yourself. It is important for friends and family members to be conscious of their interactions with each other. Before reacting, take a moment to think about how you're feeling. Allow yourself to acknowledge and consider all your positive and negative feelings, rather than considering the other person's feelings first. Then choose how you want to respond. After this is done, ask your partner or friend to understand how you feel. By understanding and allowing your feelings, you will have a more compassionate response, thereby including your partner's or friend's opinions.

Children need modeling, such as hugs and "I love you's",  in order to understand compassion. This is especially important to start in early childhood due to their increase in development. By listening to your child and allowing them to have their feelings, instead of problem solving for them, they are able to gain a sense of compassion. Including your child in the process allows them to become more emotionally intelligent. Showing your child how to be compassionate and letting them grow as a person helps them to become an includer too. This can even lead to a reduction in bullying, but it all starts with you. 

Contact us for more information on inclusion, compassion, bullying, or for help with children who are struggling. 

-Written by Allison Parker and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: Compton, J. (2017). Want compassionate confident kids? Do this. NBC News Better.

Last week, I discussed the final love language of children, acts of service, based on the book “The Five Love Languages of Children” by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. In case you missed it, please follow the links below to read previous posts about the various love languages of children:

1. Physical Touch (Part 1 and Part 2)
2. Words of Affirmation (Part 1 and Part 2)
3. Quality Time (Part 1 and Part 2)
4. Gifts
5. Acts of Service (Part 1)

Today, I will continue to discuss the final love language of children, acts of service, to provide some tips, tricks, and tidbits on how to incorporate acts of service into a parent-child relationship.

It is easy for parents to have hopes, wishes, and dreams for their children. A part of incorporating acts of service into a parent-child relationship is a parent’s acknowledgement that the child is not an extension of the parent, but rather an individual. This means that it is important for parents to allow their children to develop their own skills, abilities, and goals without the parents pushing their own unfulfilled wishes or desires upon their children. A parent’s goal is to help guide a child and give the child room to explore their own autonomy. This does not include giving a child a detailed map stating what the rest of the child’s life will look like.

For children whose primary love language is acts of service, requesting help from a parent is more about creating a connection then receiving the help. Because it is about connection for the child, a parent’s response may negatively impact the parent-child relationship.

For example, an adolescent approaches his mother while she is reading and asks, “Mom, will you cook me breakfast?” Without looking up, his mother snaps to him, “No you know how to cook it yourself.” In this instance, the son was not just asking for food, but to engage with his mother. This response may leave the son feeling defeated and upset. Parents do not need to jump at every request but should remain sensitive a child’s requests and recognize that it is motivated by a child’s need for connection.

Instead of snapping at her child in the above example, an alternative response may have looked more like this: “I’m sorry, I cannot cook right now. Would it be okay if you made something yourself and then we can do something together later?” In this way, the mother is still denying the request, however, she is also addressing her son’s need to connect.

As a parent, when providing acts of service for a child, it is important to help a child regardless of the child’s behavior. For example, some parents may feel that they can only help a child when the child behaves well and may choose not to help a child if a child is behaving poorly. This will ultimately teach a child that love is conditional and must be earned. This is not a message a parent should teach a child - love is unconditional, and therefore, a parent’s role is to support and help a child as needed, whether the child has had a good day or a bad day.

Below is a list of tips, tricks, and tidbits to help parents connect with a child whose love language is acts of service:

• Children will notice a parent who does things for others out of love, not obligation, and will model this behavior
• For younger children, have them help with chores or cooking. This will not only show the child skills for future independence, but will also allow parent and child to connect with one another
• As children get older, engage in the community together such as through volunteering and/or walking for awareness or a cause
• Respond to a child’s request - not react. If a parent refuses a child, pushes the child away, or responds to a child in a harsh or critical tone, it may impact the child’s emotional tank

And remember, a parent does not need to say “yes” to a child’s every request. However, a parent should try to remain sensitive to a child’s request, recognize it as a bid for connection, and respond in a gentle manner.

If you enjoyed reading about the five love languages of children and would like to learn how to incorporate these languages into your own relationship with your child, therapy can be a safe space to explore these connections. From individual therapy, to family therapy, to couples therapy, there are lots of ways to create connection and explore specific and unique patterns within a family. For more information on therapy, visit FAQ at Hilber Psychological Services. If you would like to schedule an appointment, please contact us.